Free Will

In recent months, since my youngest has started her school (kindergarten) career, much time has been freed up.  I have spent a good amount of that time looking for work.  There has been a tug, of varied consistency and severity, from my husband to find something more stable and more financially beneficial than my current position as a substitute teacher at a local family solutions/daycare company.

I, too, have felt a tug of my own:  to return a more career oriented job.  After all, don't I want to put my years of college studies and degree to better use?  Don't I want to move up the career ladder toward my abandoned career of Speech Therapy?  There is a part of me that does.  A part of me that feels I may not be living up to my potential in terms of prestige and pride.  Am I avoiding stepping out because I am afraid of what I no longer remember or how rusty I have become (forgetting terms and pathologies of the simplest maladies)?  

Or am I simply happy where I am?  Do I simply not need more in my life right now.  My current job provides me with a fun and rewarding place to work, while allowing me to meet my personal goals of being a Present Mother.  I am home when they are home.  I am their primary care giver.  This is important to me.  I am where I want to be.  Isn't this enough?  Yes, for me it is.  If I set aside my assumptions about how other people may judge my decision as less than stellar, I feel good about my decision.  

And today's Gratitude is just this:  MY decision.  I have the free will to decide what I want to do for work and family.  With the support of my husband, family, very special friends, and, most importantly, my (practiced for years and finally getting there) ability to listen to my heart and go with my instincts, I know where I want to be and am o.k. with it.  I feel empowered by this.  And its a great feeling!